Change: the only constant

Songs have been sung, poems written, words spoken and lives altered. All surrounding this one concept, change. It amazes me that such a seemingly insignificant and simple word can literally have the capacity to bring such a mixture of competing and opposing emotions. When things are going well and life seems nearly perfect, change can come and be the ultimate force of evil. And when life has gone astray and you have lost true north, change can be the saving grace. And yet no matter how much we talk about it, are altered by it, we are somewhat powerless against it. So why this random rambling on the subject? Perhaps the last few weeks have given me a chance to reflect on the past few months.

I can hardly believe it has been five months last Tuesday that I moved to Small Town X. When I left a place I loved, a job that brought me happiness and friends that filled me with joy for this unknown yet necessary journey, I really had no idea what to expect. I guess I hoped that this was going to be a life changing and miraculous experience. Although it has taught me a great deal, I find myself longing for a past I cannot recapture. I feel stagnant. Which as I looked up the official definition seemed to describe how I now feel my life is going: characterized by lack of development, advancement, or progressive movement. Why when so much change has occurred am I filled with the feeling of a lack of movement? As far as facing fear, I have overcome one of my worst, being in an unknown place alone. I have begun again, lived alone, started literally from scratch, but feel unfulfilled. It is fascinating to me that if I knew that my time here was certainly coming to a close, I would be experiencing things with a totally different perspective. But that perspective seems to be clouded by the realization that the change I really seek may not be coming in the near future. It is a funk, a small town, reminiscent funk. Oh change, who I once loathed so, how I wish you would re-visit this small town and take another chance with me. I guess now only time will tell what the next step will be. And as I know that life is what you make it, rather than what it gives you, I hope this is cathartic posting will be the first step into a better tomorrow. One that I will begin to create myself.